10 days of silence
I took a picture the morning after my 10-day silence meditation retreat in Mexico. After 10 days of not having seen me in the mirror, I was nervous to see myself again. To meet me again.
It was one of those profound moments in my life.
Where before I would primarily see the flaws in my face and body (I have always been struggling with my weight and never liked my freckles), I actually saw the real me for the first time. I saw the truth and the radiant beauty of my soul, in my own eyes. I experienced deep gratitude and connection for and with myself. It sounds airy-fairy but it was so beautiful.
You see, I had been looking everywhere to find myself and have lost myself many many times in that process. In religious practices, in cultural dogmas and otherworldly stuff, in materialism, in vanity, in "fake" friends, work, relationships...
For a short period of time, I would feel a certain comfort and belonging. Only to understand later that I had lost myself again.
I have "lost" myself I say, but essentially I believe that was only to shed layers of me and come closer to my true essence.
To find ourselves we tend to have to go through these stages somehow.
We lose ourselves to eventually find and reconnect with our deeper truths. I think that’s one way we learn in life and we all experience that to some extent. Some a bit more radical than others.
The whole point is to not beat ourselves up after we’ve temporarily “lost” ourselves or our path. We tend to lose trust in ourselves, our confidence, our judgment. So wrong!
We’ve got to stop and look at the lessons we have learned. Recoup, take the lessons and move onwards being and living more true to ourselves.
Life is a journey of highs and lows, of losing and finding, of winning and losing, of getting and letting go.
We're all on the same journey and some of us are just a bit braver to actually risk losing. I believe that's a sign of strength, not weakness.
May we all find the strength to risk, recoup, gain clarity, confidence, and courage to show up as authentic as we can be in any particular moment in our life.
